Someone please help me. I don’t know how to survive anymore – to thrive anymore – in this rigid toxic hostile environment…
I feel like I’m dying. I feel like I’m dying. I feel dead. I feel like I’m dying and i don’t know what to do. I am in so much pain. The pain I can’t describe. It is suffocating me. It’s destroying me. I don’t know how to move. To move away. I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s so hard to be me. It’s so hard. Because they want to control me but with every control I lose myself and I can’t breathe. I can’t let it flow I can’t flow through life as I want to because there is a restraint on my heart and soul keeping me trapped in a dark bleak place that is full of disease and suffering and I just want to leave I can’t be here anymoreBUT I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I HAVE NO MONEY NO FRIENDS NO LEVERAGE
Help
This is narcissistic abuse. This is domestic abuse. This is physiological emotional mental abuse.
I can’t relax because all I hear is your bellowing voice. I don’t know how to look after myself because I’ve become so fucking scared of your comments, your insults, your remarks. I can’t face you anymore. I can’t face who I am around you. I can’t be in your presence but I am!!! And it is killing me! I need help!
I’m sorry if this is a little much for the average reader. But it gets to the point where I have nothing left to lose but myself and I need myself but I’m losing myself and I’m so scared. I’m so scared. I’m so scared
The anxiety it penetrates my body, my soul my mind my heart. The despair , the fear. I’m trapped. I’m literally trapped simply because I need to survive. But that’s all I’m doing I’m surviving. I’m spending my life surviving. But barely. I don’t even know how to survive on my own. Why is there no answers? Why do I get answers and then my head and heart contradict themselves. I’m so confused. Every action is paired with an exhaustive string of worry and doubt and questioning. I’m ruminating everything. The simplest tasks. Because the truth is you’ve been meddling with my internal guidance system for way too long and I just want out. I need to get out but HOW! You tell me it’s my fault but it’s not because can’t you see, I am struggling to go with my own flow which would eventually lead me out of here but you keep interfering. You keep banging in my mind, like a siren that won’t stop. Like a vacuum you are hoovering up my light, my heart, my hard work, my effort. You are destroying me and the worst part is that you don’t even know it. You don’t see it you’re so conceited, so sure of yourself, so unable to listen, to let me BE! Just be. Be me. I’m silent around you. I’m walking on thin ice. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I wish this house would just explode in to dust and vanish. To disappear. Along with you. Because it’s been too long now. I have spent so many years under your dark spell. This curse that keeps me hostage.
I need help.
I need out.
I need myself back, my life back.
This is domestic abuse.
Will it end? Will I survive?
I ask this daily. I wonder and I pray. I wonder and I pray. Every single day. Will I get out? Will I actually get past this? Will I survive? Will there be a way out??
Will there?
The Journey 